Our Blog of the Week this week comes to you from the brilliant Kelly who forms part of the writing team at the group blog The Motherhood.
Here she lists the ‘7 Superpowers every child has’. And to think – we thought it was just ours!
So tell us – do any of these some familiar?!
A while ago we posted about the Seven Superpowers All Mothers Have, but what about their offspring. It stands to reason that the children of people with superpowers will, indeed, have superpowers of their own. Think of The Incredibles.
So here is our list of the The Seven Superpowers All Children Have.
1. They can sleep anywhere, ideally at the most inconvenient of moments in the most awkward spots/positions. Like one stop before you need to get yourself, them, and eight shopping bags, off the train. Or whilst you are carrying them up a flight of stairs. Or sitting on the actual stairs.Or in a shopping trolley. Yet try to get them to sleep at the assigned hour in the assigned place? Good luck.
2. Bat-like hearing so good they should work for MI5: they can hear you opening a bar of chocolate in the cellar from their nursery two floors away and in the deepest of sleeps. They also have a nice habit of repeating verbatim things you said in confidence to your other half/mother/pet goldfish when you thought they weren’t listening. That comment you made about their teacher’s dress-sense can really come back to bite you in the proverbial when you least expect it.
3.They have no embarrassment filter– take your child to a public loo and you will always have an excrutiating conversation about the contents of the bowl, underwear (yours, or theirs, either works) and whether or not you let them off washing their hands the last time they went because you were late for school. Or how [insert descriptive term] the lady actually washing her hands is. Whilst she’s still in earshot….
4 Timing. They will always vomit five minutes before the babysitter arrives, fill their nappy before the other parent comes home or fall asleep one stop before you need to get you, them, and eight bags of shopping off the train [see point 1.] No matter how organised you are, you will regularly find yourself flying out of the front door, holding a dozen random things, whilst they are still doing up their shoes, as you rush not to be late for school. Which goes to say that you will, of course, be half an hour early for any birthday party.
5. Hawk-like eyesight; even the most assiduously clean parent will always be outmatched by the skills of a small child to find the one small thing that they shouldn’t put in their mouths. They can spot the relics of a surreptitiously-consumed Cherry Bakewell on the kitchen worktop seemingly through the walls, and they know exactly where you stash the presents at Christmastime.
6. Havoc-wreaking. They are so good at this, they could make a mess in a sterile environment. In fact, they’d probably enjoy the challenge. They draw on anything, with anything, the moment you leave the room to go to the loo, and sometimes you don’t even know it until you take the curtains down to move house. Within nanoseconds of being home from school a perfectly tidy room can look like a Toys’R’Us delivery exploded in the sitting room. And hallway. And bedroom. In fact the can probably conjur up chaos across multiple rooms simultaneously. Top tip: never go into a dark room barefoot.
7.The ability to make you feel guilty. Any time, any place, any where. ‘Nuff said.
All children are prodigious, whichever way you slice it. We know this because we grow them. We cosset and protect them whilst they are utterly incapable of holding their heads up, and within the span of a few years they learn to walk, talk, dress themselves, read, write and drive you bonkers. What lucky lucky people we are to have children so talented.