Blog of the Week: The Camping Pods of Despair

Blog_of_the_week_badgePlanning on going camping during the holidays? You better read this first…

Whilst we’re sure that you won’t have an experience quite as bad as Raising Edgar’s, we bet there are other stories along these lines from first time camping families.

Have you got one to share?

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Camping is quite the delight with a one and a half year old.

We imagined the twinkling sunlight that scattered itself between the trees, creating an almost surreal fairyland in which Edgar would forage in the woods, only to return to show off the spoils of his adventures and then he’d be off again to explore some more.

We would just sit and drink tea and smile and wonder why we never thought of it before.

camp couple

Image: Netmums

It would be bliss.

Night 1.

We get him in bed for 7pm as per our amazing unbreakable routine.

All you happy-go-lucky parents that throw caution to the wind and stretch them out until 7.05pm if the needs suit are completely bonkers.

Routine is everything.

Crying ensues.

Me:

It’s because he’s in a new environment

Wife:

Yes

10 minutes later

Wife:

I hate it

Me:

I know, me too

5 minutes later

Wife:

Perhaps he just needs to know we’re here?

Me:

I don’t mind if you want to go in and sit with him

Wife:

It only makes it worse though doesn’t it?

Me:

Yes

4 minutes and 18 seconds later

Silence

Me:

God I love him don’t you?

Wife:

Yes, what a trooper.

35 seconds later

camp storm

LOUD THUNDER

We cringe in silence and stare at each other.

Nothing.

LOUD THUNDER

More cringing.

More nothing.

TORRENTIAL RAIN

Me:

(whisper shouting) Oh f*ck you God

Wife:

Shhh

So despite Edgar’s incredible ability to stay asleep through the whole thing, the majority of the night was spent praying for respite that never came, expecting terrified screams to ensue at any moment, sat outside in a one metre bit of shelter.

Without any doubt the best night of the holiday.

Night 2.

We get him in bed for 7.01pm.

What the hell it’s a holiday.

Edgar goes instantly to sleep.

After a satisfying round of rummy, with a glass (bottle) of red, we smugly go to bed at around 10.30pm.

camp wellies

Image: Netmums

Just before midnight we hear a noise.

Sounds like someone has poured half a tin of soup into Edgar’s cot.

There it is again.

At the same moment, in a perfect daze of confusion and horror, we realise he is being sick.

I jump up and pick him up.

He voms down my back.

Me:

Oh god

Wife:

Oh god

An instant argument ensues where we are both shout whispering at each about what the f*ck we are supposed to do.

I think shout whispering must make you look more angry than you are as you try and act out being cross because the volume of your voice isn’t sufficient.

Wife:

Stop being aggressive

Me:

I’m not being aggressive! (I say aggressively)

Only in the second dictionary definition do I accept the word:

“2. Making an all out effort to win or succeed; competitive”

Looking back I shouldn’t have taken offence, as I’m sure that’s what she meant.

Edgar is still puking down my back by the way, in case you wondered.

Me:

Look, I have puke in my beard. What more do you want?

Wife laughs and then returns to hating me.

Shortly she will be cleaning sick off the mattress with her nails, so it balances out nicely.

I think a highlight was when the wife had run to the shower block to wash sick off various items and I had to pee in a pot whilst holding Edgar (puking down my back), with my head bent towards the window so that the smell didn’t cause me to vomit.

Edgar was drained (literally) and following this he would only be on me.

So I was up with him all night, cradling him against my chest so he could get some sleep, which I was happy (sort of) to do, because he was obviously the one having the worst time of all.

Image: Netmums

Image: Netmums

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Find tips for happy camping over on Netmums

Tips on camping with kids

We’d love to hear your stories of camping disasters too – post your comments below!

Or share your top tips for a family camping trip

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5 Responses to Blog of the Week: The Camping Pods of Despair

  1. Sarah says:

    We camped with our 8month old a couple of years ago, in the night their was heavy rain, our tent leaked and she blissfully slept through the whole thing!

  2. Michelle says:

    Blimey that’s enough to put anyone off but it doesn’t have to be like that. As campers we couldn’t wait to take out LO camping so at 8 wks we took him in a caravan to the lakes, success! He’s now 5 1/2 months and we’ve just returned from our 6th camping trip. During this time we’ve wild camped twice (not on a site and no electricity!). It’s amazing and LO loves it too,oh and did I mention we are in a small vw camper with 2 very large Labradors?!! So what’s the secret? I believe being relaxed, allowing LO to sleep and eat in demand and have no gear expectations this way all remains calm and the experience is positive. On our last trip we had to contend with torrential rain, bad enough as it is without a LO and 2 dogs and a bird flying round the can in the early hours unable to get out and a dog trying to eat it, the whole time LO slept! Having a very calm child who sleeps well helps, god knows what well do as he gets older, needs more sleeping space and wants to move around more! But for now, got us it works!!! Happy camping.

  3. Sophie says:

    Hahaha! Our first two camping trips with now three and a half year old, she and I slept in the car for the duration – mostly with the engine running to soothe her as she was totally freaked out by the whole thing. She’s OK now, though!

  4. Wow.. second picture is too much romantic ^_^

  5. Rosa Conrad says:

    Oh God. Brilliantly written. This made me re-read a relevant post on my old blog – http://blackholesandstars.wordpress.com/2011/09/03/camping-with-a-baby/ The situation I describe as being ‘good, all in all’ does not sound good to me now! The most entertaining bit though, is the description of the nightmare scenario at the end. At least these experiences are fantastic material to write about after the event!

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