Blog of the Week: Why staying in doors with children is A BAD IDEA!

Blog_of_the_week_badgeOur Blog of the Week this week tells us how it really is when you have two small toddlers and no desire to leave the house. If you haven’t been in this position already – be warned – it will happen, so why not prepare yourself in advance with Brummy Mummy’s  hilarious musings…

 

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You awake and you think oh you know what I fancy? A nice day in the house, pootling around, watching a bit of Real Housewives, having a nice cup of tea, putting a few loads of washing on. Nothing too glamorous. A chilling day. And then sh*t, you remember. You have children. B*llocks. And then this is the foolish idea you should always avoid “It’s OK. I shall stay in the house with my two tiny children. They will be fine and play nicely all day. In fact it will be great!”

STOP RIGHT THERE! Put the internet on, find the nearest soft play, get yourself to your local sure start centre and eat some manky dirty nana with other tired parents. ANYTHING! Staying in the house with children is one of lives more foolish endeavours. And if you want further proof. See below a selection of pictures of what happened last week when I forgot the utter doom of staying indoors. For longer than two hours. With two toddlers. Shudder:

RELENTLESS FIGHTING OVER CRAP TOYS

Relentless fighting over crap toys. Apologies about the blurriness of the photo, it was like an action shot, but seriously. This argument went on for most of the day. In the end? I used it as a bit of a reality show. Like a Big Brother task. Back story. There was an tatty old buggy they fought over. So I brought this new pram. Now no-one wanted the tatty buggy and so? They just fight over this f*cking Peppa Pig pram. Put Peppa on a turd and they would want to play with it.

RELENTLESS FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER

They then moved onto just fighting each other. It started as like lovely, yet aggressive cuddles, then proper rugby tackles, with hair pulling and there was an actual bite from someone (not me promise) at one point. One was always laughing whilst the other wept. I’m not sure who won really? It certainly wasn’t me. Please note yes I did take photos and also just stood there and watched them fight. Call me mean, but this had been going on for an hour. There was no weapons involved unless the dummy can be used to harm with intention. I’m sure my boy could find a way.

THEY TURN WEIRD

Yep. Then this happened. This was weird. I’m not sure how we got into a ‘putting our feet into our mouth’ stage. I think maybe it was just utter boredom. You know you’re bored when putting your toes into your mouth seems an hilarious idea. I imagine this is the kind of thing that would perhaps happen in a mental asylum? Look at the girls steely determination, look at the boys crazy ‘fight hair’. And worryingly? I joined in. Thank god they can’t take pictures just yet.*

So if you ever think about staying in the house, with two teeny tiny children. Go back and look at this blog. Think of the fighting, the mess, the crying, the shouting and rush out to the local park stat. Don’t say I never warned you.

*on a side note I can fit my foot in my mouth. At the age of 36 and after two children? I think this is a marvel.

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The Netmums Blog brings you a behind the scenes look at Netmums, as well as some fabulous guest bloggers and an up to date look at what's new on our Parent Bloggers Network.
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14 Responses to Blog of the Week: Why staying in doors with children is A BAD IDEA!

  1. Shaun says:

    Brilliant writeup, thanks for sharing (a dad reading a mums blog! )

  2. Holly Smith says:

    This is so hilariously true. Describes my day yesterday perfectly 🙂

  3. Paulatwinmim says:

    Love it – so true. Mum of 8 y/o twins and 4 year old – all female (God help me when they are teenagers!!). My twins fight constantly and have done since they could roll 6 months i think – sometimes the younger one acts more like the bigger one. Take them out and the fighting stops…… amazing!! I wish i had read this years ago LOL!! xx

  4. joy imade says:

    I totally get it! I get tired of screaming no fighting! Play nicely! Say sorry! Ahhhh…y do I punish myself staying indoors I ask? So much better to get out of the house.

  5. Mel says:

    I made this mistake yesterday. Glad it’s not only me.

  6. I have never stayed in the house with kids, this is probably why. Whenever new mums are feeling down I tell them they have to get out, no matter how bad it makes you feel to consider it. They can’t fight when they’re out of the house, can they? There’s no Peppa Pig buggy at the park, right?

  7. Utterly fabulous! I remembers well – I had 3 under 5 (and one has aspergers)… Have you started placing bets on who might win the fight yet?

  8. Peppa Pig on a turd – you’re brilliant!

  9. diza says:

    Only a bad idea if they’re not going crazy when you do go out too, when they’re on one of ‘those’ kinda mood trips there’s nothing better then pottering about in safety inside.

  10. Emmaline Higgs says:

    Hillarious! my children are 10 and 2 and I still have them same problems.

  11. Anya says:

    Reading this at work and laughing out loud in the office! Mine are now 11, tend to let them practise their negotiation skills with each other these days as much as I can, rather than keep nagging them to stop. Agree that the outside definitely has different “rules” and if everything else fails, they tend to sleep earlier having had fresh air!

  12. rach says:

    Why so much swearing??

  13. Elli says:

    The ‘putting our feet into our mouth’ stage is hilarious, but I liked the experience with your own feet more 🙂
    Take them to the park for two hours and they’ll sleep like, uhm, babies.

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