Blog of the Week: Enough

Blog_of_the_week_badgeOur Blog of the Week this week comes from Mini Malteser.

It is written straight from the heart, admitting that motherhood is hard sometimes, and although we may not be the perfect mother, that doesn’t mean that we aren’t enough.

********************************************************************************

If you know me you will know that I have found parenting, well, a little overwhelming at times. I have had periods when I regretted even becoming a mother at all, not because of my son, but because of my ability to cope with him; my ability to give my all, my best, and I felt as though I were constantly failing him.

Of course I soon came to the realisation that, yes, I do constantly fail him but actually

Image:Netmums

Image:Netmums

that’s OK. It’s okay because I love him with a bottomless ocean of love and good intentions; an endless supply of burnt fish fingers and sloppy kisses. Children have a lot more grace than we realise and each new day brings new opportunities for better things, and more vigilance when cooking frozen food.

Lately I am learning to come to peace with a lot of disappointments I’ve had about becoming a mother. I have accepted the fact that I will never be perfect. The reality is, the real failures are the things we haven’t even considered; the things we don’t even acknowledge as such, and we sweep them under the carpet along with odd jigsaw pieces and broken crayons. I am learning that my son loves me just because I make him breakfast and I read him stories and I tell him no and yes and maybe at all the times I think appropriate, and although those things may not get me the mother of the year award, it actually is enough.

But being a mum seems to be more than just you and your child because it sometimes feels like you against the world. I have struggled with judgements from other people, the expectations, the pressure I’ve put on myself. I have struggled with body image, identity and juggling a career. All these things have been tough, but the thing I have found hardest is finding a way to come to peace with my disappointments. These are deep rooted in those early days; the missing out on a natural birth, the ‘skin to skin’, the way they took him from me before I could look him in the eyes, the way they placed him on me when I couldn’t even move to touch him. My idyllic hope of spending my first few days with my new family turned into nights on end in a hospital room with a screaming child, while the nurses told my husband visiting hours were over. I felt abandoned and alone.

Image: Netmums

Image: Netmums

That’s over three years ago now and you’re probably thinking that I should just forget about it, but what that would mean is sweeping it under the carpet along with those odd bits of jigsaw pieces and never really dealing with it at all. What that means is that life is all rosy on the outside, but every time someone mentions they had an ‘easy’ labour or they loved breastfeeding or felt ‘on a high’ after giving birth that I feel like punching them in the face – and that, my friend, is not dealing with anything at all. You will meet a lot of women who are carrying a lot of unnecessary disappointments and unless they are dealt with they will be left to rot.

I’ve realised that it’s time to accept these things for what they are and to start again like a child would; each new day brings new opportunities for better things. Because the reality is, that when Albie was placed on my numb body for the first time, he looked at me and he stared at me with his intent gaze, and he knew exactly who I was, even if I or the rest of the world didn’t. His eyes said ‘mum, is that you?’, and that, actually, was enough.

*****************************************************************************

Becoming a new mum

Postnatal depression

 

About The Netmums Blog

The Netmums Blog brings you a behind the scenes look at Netmums, as well as some fabulous guest bloggers and an up to date look at what's new on our Parent Bloggers Network.
This entry was posted in Babies, Blog of the Week, Body image, post natal depression. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Blog of the Week: Enough

  1. Oh goodness what a heartwrenching post – so much to identify with. Even with so-called text book labours and births (*ducks as the punches come*) I have felt disappointed in myself throughout the nearly nine years of being a mother and it is such a source of shame, it’s helpful to see it written about. Plus, it’s obviously a waste of time and energy, so thank you for your honesty pointing that out. Good luck X

  2. Thank you so much for this as you have made me feel a little less guilty as I have felt that all my motherhood life!!! I know I have failed my children and that is because I had depression and sadly they had to spend time with my own parents and yes I was jealous I missed out on them growing for a while. Plus my daughter who is now 13 reminds me of my failings and I feel even worse that she suffers the pain of not having her mum when she needed her and my son too who is 19 months older than her and sadly lives with his dad now in Devon and doesn’t really want me in his life as I think he resents me too for not being around when he needed me. The sad thing is I have a 5 year old daughter too that I don’t deserve as she needs me and I am not always there for her and she can’t understand and my older daughter resents me for it but she doesn’t know that I still struggle with the depression and try and hide it if I can as she just thinks I am feeling sorry for myself!!! It hurts me when she says this but I guess it is her pain that is coming out too and she is allowed to have pain but I just wish it wasn’t me that gave her that pain to resent me for!!! So you see yes I have failed my children and regret it badly and wish I could change it and start again but sadly I can’t change the past and am trying harder for the future although my children don’t think so!!! I just hope that one day they will have children and then they may understand me and hopefully they won’t go through what I have so they don’t feel that have failed their own children like I feel I have failed mine!!!! One thing is for sure though is that I will never stop loving all three of my children ever not matter what they say or do I will always love them even if they hurt me!!!!!
    Thank you lovely person for sharing your blog with us all!!!!!

  3. Sara says:

    Reading that brought me to tears as I felt like you had taken the words right out of my head. Like u I had a c-section and have at times found things thought to live up to – and like u am only just beginning to realize I don’t have to be perfect – I’m ‘enough’ as I am- thank for for speaking out xxx

  4. clarejos@mail.com says:

    The last three lines of that blog reduced me to tears. what a beautiful way to put into words the first few moments after a c section.

  5. Sukhi says:

    You have made me cry so much. I have been in a very similar situation to you with youngest son. I thought there was no one else out there who could understand what a mother goes through when things don’t/didn’t go as planned. I still struggle everyday with him, but I love him so much and I hope one day he is able to understand that.
    Thank you for your post.

  6. Emma says:

    Thank you for your honesty, it has really helped me to read this. I constantly feel as though I am failing my gorgeous son and I know I will never be the perfect mother, but just need to learn myself that I am enough for him.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s