‘Tis the season to be jolly! – Parent Taming at Christmas Time

Today’s guest blogger is our youngest yet – Baby Ryan parent taming - pooping babybrings you his own unique tips to tame the parents this Christmas time. He has taken time out of his busy baby schedule to write this special guest blog. We are delighted he found the time as he is busy promoting his new book ‘Parent Taming – a tot’s eye view of the formative years’ . The book is a parenting manual with a difference and one that will make you laugh out loud. We’ve got ten copies to giveaway too. 

*********************************************************************************

‘Tis the season to be jolly! By Ryan James Stichebaccher  the “Baby Guru”

Babies: Do You Know These Five Weird Old Tips For Taming Your Parents at parent taming - innocent babyChristmas? 

Now listen up babies. Are you ready to totally dominate your parents and completely break their spirits this Christmas? Excellent. When you finish reading every word of this article you will wield unimaginable powers over your parents. You will be Top Baby.

I been teaching babies to wreck their parents sanity since I was born. And Christmas is the single best time of year to practice the art of Parent Taming™. Why? They get so excited about it, their nerves are already shot. You just have to tip them over the edge.

What is Christmas? Essentially it is a time where adults go somewhere to sit in a room with other adults and eat and drink until they feel sick. So tip number one is simple:

WAIT UNTIL THEY HAVE EATEN SO MUCH THEY CANNOT WALK THEN DO AN EXPLODING VOMIT

Any variation of this tactic will work. They’ll probably be drinking so make sure to wake up at three AM and STAY AWAKE until about midday. This will ensure the maximum impact on their hangover. Expect tears.

GET A VIRUS

This is a powerful Parent Taming manoeuvre at any time but especially at Xmas. Many parents have been fantasising about getting rest during the Christmas period while taking advantage of their support from other relatives. Burst this little bubble by licking the dog bowl and picking up a chest infection. Make sure they spend the whole week running back and forth between A&E.

CRY EVERY TIME YOU HEAR RUSTLING PAPERparent taming - crying baby

The idiots give you objects. These objects are supposed to be interesting to you. Are they boobs? No. So why should they be considered interesting? It is a mystery to me but don’t worry about it. Just make sure you start crying any time anybody rips paper off an object near you. In fact, seeing as they enjoy wrapping stuff, why not make them a little gift of your own?

BE TERRIFIED OF GRANDAD

It doesn’t have to be Grandad. Pick any relative that everybody likes. The fun guy or gal that really loves babies and really wants to play with you. That is your mark. Every time they come in the room scream in fear and stare at them with eyes and mouth wide as plates. Shiver and convulse. Have nightmares about them. Really, you cannot overplay this one.

There you go kids!

And remember, if you ain’t breaking them they’ll think they are the boss of you!

They gots to learn.

Love Ryan xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Hit me on Twitter. (I’m not on Twitter – Get a Life.)

**************************************************************************************

parent tamingWe have got ten copies of the quite brilliant Parent Taming book to giveaway – they would make a perfect Christmas gift for any new parent. To get your hands on a copy simply leave a comment on this blog post and from all comments received by midnight on the 13th of December we will pick out ten lucky winners! Usual Netmums terms and conditions apply.

About The Netmums Blog

The Netmums Blog brings you a behind the scenes look at Netmums, as well as some fabulous guest bloggers and an up to date look at what's new on our Parent Bloggers Network.
This entry was posted in Babies, Christmas, Holidays, Humour and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to ‘Tis the season to be jolly! – Parent Taming at Christmas Time

  1. Sarah cartin says:

    This book looks hilarious. I think my youngest has been reading it!

  2. sally ward says:

    Don’t forget, cry and scream over the baby monitor then suddenly go silent and when the adult stands up and is just about to leave the room start to breathe normally. Repeat cycle as often as possible!

  3. Georgia Price says:

    This books sounds brilliant.. x

  4. Jim Jones says:

    Now we finally know what is REALLY going on behind those angelic eyes….

  5. Aimee Mitchell says:

    The “Get a Virus” section is so true. Our tree decorating was rudely interrupted yesterday by my toddler’s exploding bottom. Not quite the stress free, picture perfect moment I’d had in mind!

  6. Claire says:

    Ha ha it’s not boobs so it’s not interesting sounds like a very funny book to keep any new parent from tipping point 🙂 x

  7. mechelle says:

    Sounds fab. My son is called Ryan n im thinking it may have been him writing it 🙂 lol

  8. Daniela Ingvarsson says:

    Lol looks like a good book anything that make me smile at 3 o’clock in the morning when my hangover is in full swing is worth a read 🙂

  9. melanie hall says:

    Think my daughter read this before arriving lol looks amazing. I must read it:-)

  10. elainemahy says:

    Yes I have come across some of these antics from mine! Not sure I can blame them though.
    Where is tip no. 5?

  11. Water says:

    We would LOVE to read this in the office!

  12. Beatrice says:

    This books seems funny! Good to read a baby’s thougts

  13. s.main says:

    Looks like a book I would enjoy.

  14. Victoria says:

    Am expecting my second baby in a few weeks! This would be a fab read when up in the night again! X

  15. Gauri says:

    Will be a wonderful book with lot of humour , lol 🙂

  16. Stana says:

    My twin sister just had baby on the 1st of December so this would be a fantastic present for her and her hubby 🙂

  17. karen sutton says:

    I wish I had this when my babies were born – but not too late to give to a friend who is about to be launched into parenthood for the first time! aaaiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeee

  18. sam blane says:

    Sounds like my girl’s first Xmas!

  19. Caroline says:

    My daughter must have a copy of this book somewhere, she knows all the above.

  20. My cheeky girl already has her sights set on World Domination so Any assistance would be appreciated.

  21. Rachel says:

    My first grandchild due in May, This would be great reading for my daughter while shes waiting for the new arrival. It’ll prepare her for whats coming haha

  22. Jonathan says:

    As with all things there is more going on that you can imagine!!!

  23. Amy Cannon says:

    This looks hilarious and so true. My daughter is nearly always ill at special events and Christmas is no exception!

  24. Rebecca says:

    This book sounds fantastic, would love to read it all 🙂

  25. Shabana A says:

    Hmm…seems like my son has read this book! Wait! I am pretty sure he’s the one who has written it!!

  26. From all the above comments looks like a good read, would love to write a review on this and add it to my blog .

  27. Kayleigh Anderson says:

    This sounds like a good read! Just what I’ll need to get me through Christmas with a toddler!

  28. Nina says:

    I Love it!!

  29. Maisie says:

    This book really does sound funny!! Genius idea.

    Also… knowing exactly when you’re parents are waiting for you to have a nap to have some quality time together and suddenly deciding that being awake is so much more fun and refusing to ever sleep again. Ever!!!

  30. Emma Lam says:

    Add – refuse to sit still when everyone’s having the family portrait taken!
    Love the post!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s