This week we have let the kids take over the Netmums blog. Today’s blog is by Hannah is who is 11 and lives in Scotland with her wee sister and two guinea pigs – and her parents (who are just-like – SO embarrassing!)
Mums are so embarrassing, right? They dance in the playground, they sing in the shopping centres. Once, my mum started singing ‘Pokerface’ by Lady Gaga REALLY loudly outside the school gates. I don’t think they understand that we have a reputation to keep up. Next year, I’m going into high school and I really don’t want to be referred to as ‘ the one with the cringey mum’.
Sometimes she’ll skip along the street or dance really badly at discos. I mean, dancing has moved on since her day! Once, at a disco at Crieff Hydro, the DJ stopped everyone to point out over his microphone how badly and embarrassingly she was dancing and how he sympathised with me. At least I’m not the only one who’s noticed!
Dad’s aren’t much better. My step dad once pretended to be the wicked witch of the west (YES, from the Wizard of Oz. I wonder when he’ll learn to grow up! ) in a cafe. He slunk down under the table shouting ” I’m melting, I’m melting!” I, meanwhile, was desperately trying to pretend I wasn’t with him. Which is hard when your sitting at the same table, trust me. Also he once nearly walked out a shop without paying. Everyone must have thought we were criminals!!! I mean, being embarrassed is one thing, but being know as a criminal is just too much!!!
Sometimes, parents forget that, as a child you are still trying to make friends and fit in. They get so used to no-one wanting to be friends with them that they forget that other, more popular, people (i.e. me!) have a reputation to keep up. A reputation that doesn’t include dodgy dancing and out of tune singing.
As a parent, your responsibilities should be to look after and comfort your children (WHEN NEEDED!). PLEASE NOTE THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE SAYING : ” Oh my darling coochie woo!” and kissing their forehead loudly, in public. However much you think this may cheer your child up, TRUST ME it doesn’t.
But, really, let’s give them some credit, they aren’t that bad. After all, they are always there for you and always know what to do in a crisis. If only they got dancing lessons and then I might go as far as saying they’re actually quite cool- MAYBE!!!
Here is a list of do’s and don’t s for all you parents out there. WARNING: If rules are not followed then your child may end up with a severe case of parentitis! I think I am speaking on behalf of the nation’s children when I say:
DON’T try to be cool. It won’t work! In fact – don’t even say the word ‘cool’ as it’s really not cool.
DON’T dance OR sing AT ALL in public EVER (ever ever)
DON’T try and include yourself in your child’s social life or, before you know it, they won’t have one!
DON’T pick up your child’s mobile if it’s ringing, or everyone will stop calling them in the fear that you will answer.
DO walk five or more paces behind your child at all times
DO shop at Mark’s and Spenser’s and wear floaty dresses like the stereotypical mother (Miss out the floaty dresses if you are a dad!)
DO busy yourself immediately if you happen to pass anyone within ten years of your child’s age in the street ( this will happen often so make sure you have lots to be busy with.)
If you’re feeling down about how embarrassing your mum is just look at these photos and your parents will seem completely normal. I tried to upload a video of her dancing even more embarrassingly but it didn’t work – but you can imagine the horrors! ( YES IT’S MY MUM! CRINGE! )