Kidz Rule Day 1. The kids are taking over!

All this week the kids are taking over the Netmums Blog. We’ve given your little darlings free reign to tell us about how embarrassing their Mums really are and how we’re going about parenting all wrong.

First up is twelve year old Lia whose mother Joanne Mallon is the author of Toddlers: An Instruction Manual and has been blogging for over 5 years at Joanne the Coach


My mum blogging by Lia AKA El of

There is a room in my house next to the kitchen and the tiny loo. It is a dismal place, filled with cobwebs and cockroaches and perhaps even a coffin. It is the room in which my mother blogs. It is a room I rarely get to see as when she is in there she cannot be disturbed. And she is always in there. On the rare occasions I pluck up the courage to open the door, sunlight splashes across the room, Mum looks up with a look of confused bewilderment in her eyes, shields her eyes with her hand and hisses. It is the kind of hiss a vampire might utter as they disintegrate into ashes. I slam the door shut and run upstairs panting.

Image: Netmums

Mum never goes far from the computer even to sleep. She sleeps in the chair she sits in every day so as to maximise computer time.

Once in a while she runs out of topics to blog about, so she takes us out somewhere, iPhone clutched in her hand. She writes notes and takes pictures and puts them on Instagram and tweets witty remarks, thinking desperately of funny blog posts she could create. If it were not for these times then I would have thought her surgically attached to that computer.

Image: Netmums

My black cat, Dennis, is her only visitor. When he enters her realm he is a happy and contented fellow, but when he leaves he is a creature of the night. I don’t know what it is that does it to him, perhaps it is the stinking chamber pot. I would stop him from going in there but then I worry that mum’s friends are all imaginary and she needs the company.

Despite all this I am now also a blogger. I was wondering what all the fuss was about as one of my friends had recently started blogging too. There was only one problem. I don’t know how to start a blog. So for about 5 minutes one day I was outside her door trying to gather all my courage to knock on that door. Each minute felt like a millennia. Eventually I did it – tap tap tap. A voice came from within: “Urgh!”

I swallowed: Hey mum, I was wondering if I could ask you something?

I waited;

“Go away, I’m blogging about why the Queen should have a blog”

I gulped: Could you show me how to make a blog?

Silence: It would make a great post.

The door opened. Half an hour later I had a working blog. An hour after that Mum had a post up about child blogging.

I love blogging because it gives me a way to express myself. I am proud to be a blogger.

The previous post may have been a slight exaggeration.


Lia and her mum Joanne now write a blog together called and Joanne runs a site for children who blog and their parents called KidsBlogClub. Dennis the cat does not have a blog – that we know about.

About The Netmums Blog

The Netmums Blog brings you a behind the scenes look at Netmums, as well as some fabulous guest bloggers and an up to date look at what's new on our Parent Bloggers Network.
This entry was posted in bloggers, Mums, Pets, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Kidz Rule Day 1. The kids are taking over!

  1. The trouble is, I can see your mum doing exactly that!

  2. mummytips says:

    Brilliant. You are an amazing blogger Lia.

  3. Thanks Lia for writing this post for us, we all thought it was amazing. I do hope your Mum’s not that scary in real life though 😉

  4. This is hilarious. Having met Joanne I can see this is writing at its finest! And Lia seems like butter wouldn’t melt, face to face too. Gosh I’m glad I don’t have daughters – or am I? Very well done Lia. Smashing.

  5. El says:

    Mum’s lovely in real life, I hope I haven’t convinced everyone she’s an evil vampire 🙂

    Lia xxx

  6. I would like to point out that I am not an evil vampire.

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